Some people are the target of criticism, and no matter what they can never make everybody happy.
Some people put on a show of being okay and act like what people say doesn't hurt them.
Some people feel so excluded and ostracized that bad moments start piling up and compounding.
Some people have so much weighing down on them that it feels like nothing can bring them peace.
Some people know just how much it hurts to be hurt, and so they try to keep others from being hurt only to have it thrown back in their face and get hurt again.
How is somebody who feels alone supposed to heal and feel accepted when everywhere they turn they get a door slammed in their face?
Being hurt and let down by people is a fast way to feel alone and lonely and depressed.
Once you feel like you're being surrounded by mean words and constant oppression, very little can make you feel better.
Occasionally a kind word may be spoken, but the harsh comments far outweigh any kind of encouragement.
People say mean things. People speak without thinking. People bring each other down. Words are possibly the most violent weapon someone can ever use to attack another person.
What I think people don't understand is that even if it was "just a joke" or that they were "being super sarcastic" it doesn't really matter the intent, it still hurts. A lot. And it's not that somebody who is hurt is being a wimp, or being childish, or that they should suck it up and deal. Nobody should have to feel like they are being verbally attacked. Veiled in sarcasm or not.
The whole "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" thing is bologna. Words can hurt like crazy.
I am sarcastic, so I'm not saying that nobody should ever use that kind of humor, but there IS a point where too much is too much.
Some people can seem really tough and put-together and that nothing ever phases them, but in the privacy of their room or in the confidence of a friend who isn't judging them, they'll break down sobbing.
How do I know this?
Well, I deal with it. I know others deal with it. I've witnessed how just one backhanded comment can completely change the course of somebody's day.
Why aren't we more careful with what we say? Do we really want to make their day horrible?
I try to not show emotion. I try to be honest without giving anything personal away. I try to pretend I'm not hurt and broken, but lately I've seen those walls and pretenses falling away. I think it's a God thing, because it hurts a lot to be an open book and have your feelings spelled out for everybody to read. I don't even particularly want to be read. I don't really like having my feelings out in the open for hurling insults.
But part of growing is getting pruned. Part of learning is allowing painful lessons to be taught. Part of letting God have His way in my life is not allowing my fear of being rejected take control. Part of giving God His rightful power in my life is by saying I am SO not strong enough to handle this.
Even just writing this all out is a struggle for me.
But I'm kind of sick and tired of people not being honest.
I'm kind of tired that sharing true feelings is so discouraged.
What is the point of putting on a mask? What good does it do?
I've tried wearing masks. I've tried painting on a smile and doing the whole "I'm happy all the time" act.
You know something? It sucks.
It sucks to pretend to be happy around people who don't know you're sad. It sucks to hide your hurt, because then nobody really knows how you feel. And when nobody knows how you feel, and you continue to pretend to be okay, it all builds up. And when it builds up enough... when you've finally stacked as many bad days on top of each other as you possibly can... they'll fall.
You... I cannot keep my emotions locked away forever.
I'm not ever going to like having insults thrown my way.
I don't think I'll wake up tomorrow and suddenly be immune to getting my feelings hurt.
But I do know that I'm not alone.
I do know that when I'm at my weakest, God is able to show His strength.
I feel weak. I feel tired. I feel ready to go home and sleep.
But God is great, even when life isn't good.