(So, I just realized this didn't post when I thought I had... This was written around May 11-12th... or right after. I'm not entirely sure)
. . . All this week I've had butterflies.
I'm getting all weepy and sentimental, so I apologize for all the cheesiness I'm about to overwhelm y'all with.
This entire show has been amazing. From auditions, to callbacks, to this precise moment, I have been so blessed and grateful to be working with such talented, interesting, entertaining, and wonderful people. I never expected to be looking at my life right now and feel so thankful for the past couple months.
I've learned to take chances, and come out of my shell. I've learned about what friendship really means, and that sometimes it's okay to be a little selfish and take care of yourself. I've learned to love in a way I didn't know was possible because sometimes love comes to you from out of nowhere, and I've learned that coming back home is sometimes exactly what you need when you have no idea where to go. True friends will stick with you no matter what life circumstances you're dealing with.
More than ever I have come to appreciate the amount of energy and hard work it takes to put together a production of this magnitude. It isn't just several weeks of dancing and learning music. It isn't just showing up to rehearsals. Your heart and soul start growing roots, entangling your life with the lives of the people who you spend countless hours with each week.
Oscar Wilde once said that "Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life." I believe this on a couple levels, but especially with this production of Legally Blonde I've seen why that's true. With every ounce of effort put into making a show like this happen, you grow and develop not only your stage-character, but your own personal character. The lessons hidden between the lines help reveal to you little truths that help you become a better person. You learn and grow and change just as the character you are portraying does. It can be beautiful, and it can be painful.
Although most nights I left rehearsals with a smile on my face and one of the many fabulous songs stuck in my head, occasionally I'd leave crying.
That's why I love theatre. I love it because it hurts. Because it resonates with a part of yourself you didn't even realize could be touched by a scene or a song. It breaks you down and forces you to feel things you may have been ignoring or just burying as deep down as possible. It also gives words to emotions you can hardly even explain.
Some people have said to me how much I remind them of Elle Woods. At first glance, that may not seem like a compliment. But after several years of knowing this musical, and the past couple months seriously studying each moment of every act... I consider it a great honor. Elle Woods gets judged, rejected, stereotyped, and criticized, yet still finds the strength to smile and keep trying. She is told she isn't good enough, that she doesn't belong, and she shouldn't even bother to keep going. But with a little help, she doesn't let that keep her down. She fights for what she wants, stands up for what she believes in, and ultimately refuses to settle for what people expect of her. Yes, she is blonde and wears a lot of pink. Yes, she is high-energy. But she has a fire inside of her that I envy. As I've grown as a person, I've seen more and more how important it is to pursue what you love, regardless of whether it is the safest course of action.
I miss this show with so many fibers of my being that it aches on a daily basis. I miss my chicky-boom-booms.. I miss my Emmett, and I miss my Paulette. I miss my dogs, and I miss my sorority girls. I miss my Mom and Dad and being called Button. I miss walking into a room and immediately feeling at peace. I miss being at home in my own skin. Nothing energizes and revitalizes me like a good show.
I love you all. Let's do it again sometime. <3
