It honestly doesn't seem possible that a whole month could go by so quickly, but apparently it can.
France and I have been becoming acquainted over the past 31 days. And, like building any relationship, it takes time.
I'm able to go to the grocery store and find the right ingredients for dinner on my own. Driving I can do without a problem, whether it's picking the youngest up from school, or driving 30 minutes through the gorgeous misted countryside to drop-off a handful of teens for a retreat.
But then somebody will try to talk to me as I'm wandering down a cobblestone street in Chantilly by the Chateau and suddenly I feel lost. I do my best to be polite and apologetic as I botch an accent and the pronunciation of "Je ne parle pas Franรงais," but I walk away feeling entirely awful and like I'm going to be the reason France bars any future Americans from coming into their country. It's a bummer.
Sometimes it's hard to fight back tears when I'm reminded how inadequate I am for this mission. It can be really discouraging to feel like I'm not able to be fully present during my time here. Not that anyone has ever said anything to make that seem at all true, so I guess we really are our own harshest critic.
One of the best parts of my day is when I get to pick up kids from school. It's really nice to be greeted with big hugs and big smiles. Although they've only known me for a month, they like me. I love them. It makes feeling stupid go away, as I'm reminded that these children don't care that I can't speak French fluently. They don't care that I ask a million questions about what certain phrases and words mean. They don't care when I ask them to quiet down while we're driving through waterfalls of rain on tiny streets during rush hour. They care about if I like the picture they drew, or if I like the skit they made up. They care that I laugh with them, and that I will hug them and kiss a boo-boo. They want me to jump on the trampoline and tickle them.
Yesterday was a big win. As I pulled into the parking lot to pick up the youngest from his school, I got really nervous. Will he be okay with me getting him, or will he cry asking for his mom? Will the teachers start questioning me and be wary when I can't answer? What if he cries and because of that they won't let me take him home? As my mind panicked through every worst-case scenario, I knocked on the door, and managed to explain who I was there to pick up. When the little guy saw me, his eyes lit up as he excitedly ran over and hugged my legs. Also, he called me Evie(Usually he calls me by his last nanny's name, but they sound similar so we work with it. :P ) unprompted for the first time. That was worth every bit of insecurity I've had up until that point.
As we worked together to get his shoes and coat on, he kept saying "Evie! Home!" and touching my cheek with his hand. Now, he and I usually get along just fine. But this was the first time where it really was clear he was cool with me, and that he recognized me as someone he could trust.
And that was pretty awesome. :)
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Friday, September 5, 2014
Une semaine en France
Bonjour!
I was hoping to get a post up much sooner than this, but it has been so busy here in France!
On Tuesday, August 26th, I left for JFK with my mom, a friend of mine, and his mother. Up until that day, I had been excited, but a bit anxious to get to France. Turns out that during the drive downstate I nearly couldn't breathe because I was getting so nervous.
I had never done anything like this before. Although I had gone to Nicaragua when I was 15 with my mom and church, that was an easy experience all things considered. I wasn't alone, we had people who could translate for us pretty much whenever we needed it, and it was only one time zone away from home.
This new adventure was scaring me more than I thought it would. I had never flown internationally, much less by myself, to live with people who were practically strangers in a country where I don't speak the language. Instead of having a full-on meltdown, I managed to keep calm with some grapefruit juice and awful cappuccino flavored potato chips. It was rough.
When we finally got to the airport, we parked, found my terminal, and suddenly I realized that this was actually happening. Aaaaand I may have broke down crying for a few minutes before I hugged my mom goodbye and went through security. As much as I had been looking forward to going, it suddenly hit me that this wasn't something in safe comfort zone planning stages anymore. This was a big grown-up moment and it was terrifying.
I probably scared some people as I was waiting in line for the security checkpoint. I kept crying for a bit. Then I forgot to cry when I realized my bag was being put through the scanner multiple times. The TSA people were eyeing me cautiously and I regretted having cut my bangs the day before because it must have made me look shady. Turns out I forgot I had a water bottle in my purse and they airport gods don't believe in affordable hydration...
Then came the endless walk to get to my gate, which quite literally had me thoroughly out of breath by the time I got there. By that point I was starving. Unfortunately, even the tiniest granola bar will cost you three weeks pay. Plus, the water bottles past security are somehow better than the free water I had before security... must be that it's filtered by magical unicorn tears...
Anyway. I made it onto the plane, got my window seat taken from me to be given to two guys who slept through the whole flight, and I had the whole back middle row to myself. Which would have been more awesome if it wasn't really awkward to try and lay down on it. But I finally saw the second new Spiderman movie. Then slept for maybe 10 minutes. Though, I did play a few mean rounds of Bejeweled 2 before we had to land. OH. The landing was probably the most gentle landing I have ever experienced on a flight before. It was like wading into a pool of chocolate mousse. But on pavement and without the delicious factor.
Anywho, after pathetically weaving my way through the Charles de Gaulle airport to find customs, and then the circus that is the baggage claim, I managed to find Mrs. Cross. We drove back to the house and I got to meet all the kids. They are entirely precious and so sweet and I really am so glad I have the opportunity to help while I'm here. It has been quite a crazy week between summer ending and school starting. Bath time and bedtime seem to be the biggest challenges between me and the kids. While it's so nice to have clean and happy babies, they do not always like to become clean and it makes them very unhappy. And bedtime means you have to stop playing with your dolls and your cars for the evening and that's just the worst possible thing ever...
But overall, it has been a great experience so far. I am definitely out of my comfort zone, and have been subject to constant make-believe personality changes at the hands of the colorfully active imagination of a princess-loving four-year old.
Serious side, I am a little out of my element. Usually I can take pride in the fact I adapt pretty well to new situations and circumstances, but this has me off balance. I already knew not knowing the language would be difficult, but it has hit me much harder now that I'm here how I really am missing out on a large component of the relationship building potential I would have had.
Also, although the kids are sweet and adorable and I have so much fun playing with them, I find at the end of the day I really miss full-fledged conversations with adults. I miss my family, and my friends, and having debates about important issues and chats about the mundane details.
So, if you all could be praying that I would manage to keep positive in spite of the language barrier. That I would be able to occasionally have conversations with people closer to my own age, and that I wouldn't be discouraged by feeling kind of like a lone wolf here. Thank you, so so much <3
OH! And thank you again to everyone who has helped support me financially! I would not have had this opportunity without you, and I am truly grateful.
I do still need to raise more support though to cover my expenses while I'm here. I need about $700 more in order to not worry about making my payments on bills at home, and to cover the random expenses that come up while I'm here. (You know, silly things like conditioner, because my hair decided turning to straw would be a neat stunt to pull on me.)
The address to send donations to is below.
I was hoping to get a post up much sooner than this, but it has been so busy here in France!
On Tuesday, August 26th, I left for JFK with my mom, a friend of mine, and his mother. Up until that day, I had been excited, but a bit anxious to get to France. Turns out that during the drive downstate I nearly couldn't breathe because I was getting so nervous.
I had never done anything like this before. Although I had gone to Nicaragua when I was 15 with my mom and church, that was an easy experience all things considered. I wasn't alone, we had people who could translate for us pretty much whenever we needed it, and it was only one time zone away from home.
This new adventure was scaring me more than I thought it would. I had never flown internationally, much less by myself, to live with people who were practically strangers in a country where I don't speak the language. Instead of having a full-on meltdown, I managed to keep calm with some grapefruit juice and awful cappuccino flavored potato chips. It was rough.
When we finally got to the airport, we parked, found my terminal, and suddenly I realized that this was actually happening. Aaaaand I may have broke down crying for a few minutes before I hugged my mom goodbye and went through security. As much as I had been looking forward to going, it suddenly hit me that this wasn't something in safe comfort zone planning stages anymore. This was a big grown-up moment and it was terrifying.
I probably scared some people as I was waiting in line for the security checkpoint. I kept crying for a bit. Then I forgot to cry when I realized my bag was being put through the scanner multiple times. The TSA people were eyeing me cautiously and I regretted having cut my bangs the day before because it must have made me look shady. Turns out I forgot I had a water bottle in my purse and they airport gods don't believe in affordable hydration...
Then came the endless walk to get to my gate, which quite literally had me thoroughly out of breath by the time I got there. By that point I was starving. Unfortunately, even the tiniest granola bar will cost you three weeks pay. Plus, the water bottles past security are somehow better than the free water I had before security... must be that it's filtered by magical unicorn tears...
Anyway. I made it onto the plane, got my window seat taken from me to be given to two guys who slept through the whole flight, and I had the whole back middle row to myself. Which would have been more awesome if it wasn't really awkward to try and lay down on it. But I finally saw the second new Spiderman movie. Then slept for maybe 10 minutes. Though, I did play a few mean rounds of Bejeweled 2 before we had to land. OH. The landing was probably the most gentle landing I have ever experienced on a flight before. It was like wading into a pool of chocolate mousse. But on pavement and without the delicious factor.
Anywho, after pathetically weaving my way through the Charles de Gaulle airport to find customs, and then the circus that is the baggage claim, I managed to find Mrs. Cross. We drove back to the house and I got to meet all the kids. They are entirely precious and so sweet and I really am so glad I have the opportunity to help while I'm here. It has been quite a crazy week between summer ending and school starting. Bath time and bedtime seem to be the biggest challenges between me and the kids. While it's so nice to have clean and happy babies, they do not always like to become clean and it makes them very unhappy. And bedtime means you have to stop playing with your dolls and your cars for the evening and that's just the worst possible thing ever...
But overall, it has been a great experience so far. I am definitely out of my comfort zone, and have been subject to constant make-believe personality changes at the hands of the colorfully active imagination of a princess-loving four-year old.
Serious side, I am a little out of my element. Usually I can take pride in the fact I adapt pretty well to new situations and circumstances, but this has me off balance. I already knew not knowing the language would be difficult, but it has hit me much harder now that I'm here how I really am missing out on a large component of the relationship building potential I would have had.
Also, although the kids are sweet and adorable and I have so much fun playing with them, I find at the end of the day I really miss full-fledged conversations with adults. I miss my family, and my friends, and having debates about important issues and chats about the mundane details.
So, if you all could be praying that I would manage to keep positive in spite of the language barrier. That I would be able to occasionally have conversations with people closer to my own age, and that I wouldn't be discouraged by feeling kind of like a lone wolf here. Thank you, so so much <3
OH! And thank you again to everyone who has helped support me financially! I would not have had this opportunity without you, and I am truly grateful.
I do still need to raise more support though to cover my expenses while I'm here. I need about $700 more in order to not worry about making my payments on bills at home, and to cover the random expenses that come up while I'm here. (You know, silly things like conditioner, because my hair decided turning to straw would be a neat stunt to pull on me.)
The address to send donations to is below.
Mission Nanny's
P.O. Box 61805
Santa Barbara, CA
93160-1805
P.O. Box 61805
Santa Barbara, CA
93160-1805
Name: _____________________________________________
Address: ___________________________________________
Enclosed is my contribution for Evelyn: ____________________
I pledge to send monthly for Evelyn's trip: __________________
I will be praying for Evelyn regularly: _______________________
Please send all contributions to Missions Nanny's at the above address, and a tax-deductible receipt will be sent to you.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Address: ___________________________________________
Enclosed is my contribution for Evelyn: ____________________
I pledge to send monthly for Evelyn's trip: __________________
I will be praying for Evelyn regularly: _______________________
Please send all contributions to Missions Nanny's at the above address, and a tax-deductible receipt will be sent to you.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Please be praying. :) <3
God Bless,
Evelyn