Exodus

I was reading the Ten Commandments over the past couple days, and I had to pause at Exodus 20:16, "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor." 

When we think about the Ten Commandments, the laws we can immediately remember are usually the laws about stealing, not taking the Lord's name in vain, murder, and adultery. But this law isn't one that usually gets much screen time from what I can remember growing up. Why is that? Is it because the rest of the laws seem pretty obvious and easy to obey? Stealing and murder seem like a way bigger deal than giving false testimony, right? But what does this commandment even mean?

From what I can understand it is not necessarily referring to being called up to a witness stand and swearing to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. But isn't it? Every day we are given the choice to tell the truth. And as Christians, it shouldn't be something we feel is an option. I understand that it can be really difficult to love your neighbor. Especially when you believe they have wronged you. But this verse in another translation reads, "you shall not bear false witness against your neighbor." That means no lying. No slandering. No destruction. It means no whispering. It means no talking behind their back. It means no words should escape your lips which are designed to deceive someone about your neighbor. The whole chapter of Ephesians 4 speaks of how we are to "put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor," and also to "speak the truth in love." 

I guess it hit me because of the current society we live in, and how it seems everywhere you turn someone is gossiping and saying hurtful things. I think we know it is much harder to be kind. It is so much harder to tell the truth in love. It is way more difficult to keep from spreading lies when you are upset at how you feel you have been treated. But we have to treat people well. We have to be kind, and be gracious, and be honest. Anything less than that is wrong. Anything less than how Jesus would have treated those He met along the road is wrong.

I am by no means innocent of this. But I have also been a victim of false testimony, and having somebody bear false witness against me. After having had false things said about me, and becoming aware of words spoken that were not said out of love, or even the smallest grain of truth, I think I know why this commandment was included.

It is so painful to know that somebody does not respect you enough as a fellow Christian to treat you with the kindess and love as Christ has called us to. It is a kind of hurt that settles at the bottom of your heart, in the middle of your stomach, and starts tying up in knots until even the mention of what happened makes it hard to breathe. I have to say, the feeling sucks. It is one of the most painful things you could ever experience to know that somebody who claims to love God could so easily and willingly be unloving towards you.

I will be the first to admit that  I've not always felt like reacting kindly. I've gone from either extreme of just being so confused, to being angry. I've gone from wanting to hide in my room to wanting to march right up to them and give them a piece of my mind. But that's not my job. God will work in His own time. Even if He does it at a pace that seems way too slow, it's up to Him to chase down His children and teach them what they need to learn. And if there is nothing I can do but let go and let God have the wheel, then by all means, I think it's my time to make my exit. Prayer is the only weapon I have the strength left to arm myself with, so I better get to work with it.

But what do you do in the meantime? Do you allow yourself to be continuously knocked down and trampled on and belittled simply because God hasn't gotten a hold of them yet? I don't think so. I don't think it's a good thing to allow yourself to remain in a dangerous and unhealthy friendship/relationship/acquaintanceship if they will only continue to hurt you.

Sometimes all you can do is say enough, turn around, and walk away from that negative person in your life. Sometimes, being patient and simply hoping that things will get better won't fix what's wrong. Every now and then you have to admit that you are worth more than how that person makes you feel, and get out and get as far away from them as fast as possible. It doesn't matter what people will say, and it doesn't matter what people think. If the truth is that you have been hurt by somebody, by what they say about you or how they have treated you, you have EVERY right to leave. If somebody claims to be your friend, but then lies about you, complains about you, and refuses to even come and talk to you personally about what they have a problem with, they are not a true friend. Real friends are going to have your back and speak up against those who try to speak false testimony about you.

If you have reached the point where you've had enough, you've put up with too much. If I've learned anything this summer, it's that I am worth more than how others will make me feel.

If any of this sounds like it could apply to you and whatever your situation is,  I just ask that you realize your worth before it's too late. Walk away from whoever it is that is trying to bring you down, and get behind Jesus. As long as you are honestly trying to serve Him and do what is right, that's the best you can do for them. Prayer is a big deal, don't sell it short.

So, there goes another kind of discombobulated and incoherent pile of random thoughts that at the moment seem like they all string together, but upon some sleep and a re-read will show that I began going off about sonic screwdrivers and pie. But in all honesty, I really hope if any of you has dealt with anything like this that you do not feel like you're alone. It is basically bullying, and it is not okay. Talk to somebody, and start getting away from whoever it is that is bringing you down. You're better than that. :)

Parting is a bittersweet sorrow

This fall I was expecting to return to PHC. However, it has been a consistent pattern in my life the past several years that God is constantly growing me through unexpected changes. The increase in the cost of tuition combined with the changes to the financial aid package have made returning to school really unlikely. Although I'm on a leave of absence for now, I am not anticipating the financial situation to change by next year. So, I guess in a way this is goodbye.

I took it really hard at first. Those who have heard my story know just how very precious PHC is to me. I've grown more in my time there than I could even begin to explain. I've made amazing new friends, and grown closer to several old ones. If not for a few very special people I met there a few summers ago, I am sure my life would look very different right now.

Although I feel really sad about not being back at school this fall, I'm starting to see a whole lot of good in it. I love the people and my friends there dearly, but certain aspects of this past year stressed me out to a point where I couldn't focus properly anymore. I know that if some circumstances had been different the whole year wouldn't have been so daunting, but my emotional stamina had been run down and many things suffered as a consequence. The knowledge of the financial strain put me ill at ease, and trying to tread the craziness of life at the same time was just a little more than I could bear.

But there are always lessons to be learned wherever we are.

Something I have learned about myself this past year is that I often try to make others happy. If I feel someone is upset with me, I'll try to change the way I act around them to smooth things over. When I am overwhelmed, I try even harder to push past those feelings of exhaustion to put on a strong face. The truth is though, I am really lousy at being strong. But that's a good thing. If not for these trials, I would not have noticed that I rely on myself too much. It may seem like a good thing, but I can be too loyal at times. Without both sides of a story, I have unfortunately allowed myself to judge others prematurely, and unfairly. I have had to learn to stand up for myself, my family, and my friends. I've learned that even if one person feels the need to tear others down and be a negative influence, that does not require me to fall into that trap as well.


I am not to blame for the faults of others. I have my own long list of failures and flaws, of which only I am responsible. I've learned that friendship is not to be given lightly. I've learned that trust is not something to blindly hand over to anyone. I have learned that guarding your heart goes far beyond romantic relationships, but also relationships with anyone you ever encounter. Encouragement, kindness, respect, loyalty, and honesty are absolutely vital to any friendship. Without them, even the most easy-going and humorous companion can be a bad influence. Allowing yourself to be abused in any respect because you believe that the bully will eventually give up is wrong. I don't care who it is, if I witness one of my friends being put-down, or hear of anyone falsely accusing somebody I love, I will be angry. Nobody has the right to be a destructive force in the lives of others, especially in a community where we should be building each other up and helping one another with our walks in Christ.

So, that may seem irrelevant and pointless, and for most of you it probably is. But to my dear, dear friends who have stood next to me the past few months... I love you all. Your faithfulness and encouragement at my low points were such precious blessings to me. Allowing me to cry, reminding me how my current struggles are allowing me to grow closer to the Lord, and just holding me when I physically needed support I felt so weak, I cannot thank you enough. God has been so good to me, that even through the madness He has provided examples of His great love and compassion in every one of you. I can only hope and pray that someday I can somehow love you all as much as you've loved me.

AND to all my PHC people, I'm going to miss you like crazy. Even though I'm still going to be around co-directing the play this fall (can't get rid of me that easily :P ) I recognize that things aren't going to be the same. I loved seeing you guys in classes and in the hallways, and just catching up on what amazing things God was doing in your life. I loved sitting in the dining hall with you and just having the best conversations. I will miss being constantly reminded that there is something far greater waiting for us after this world. But this is just a new chapter, and a new chance to invest in each other differently. Whenever I think of you, I will be praying that your own unique struggles and hard times will grow you that much closer to God.

If any of you ever need anything please contact me. I hope to have the opportunity to see you often, but in case I don't, just know that there are few people who could love you all as much as I do.

And I honestly do not say that lightly. <3