I took it really hard at first. Those who have heard my story know just how very precious PHC is to me. I've grown more in my time there than I could even begin to explain. I've made amazing new friends, and grown closer to several old ones. If not for a few very special people I met there a few summers ago, I am sure my life would look very different right now.
Although I feel really sad about not being back at school this fall, I'm starting to see a whole lot of good in it. I love the people and my friends there dearly, but certain aspects of this past year stressed me out to a point where I couldn't focus properly anymore. I know that if some circumstances had been different the whole year wouldn't have been so daunting, but my emotional stamina had been run down and many things suffered as a consequence. The knowledge of the financial strain put me ill at ease, and trying to tread the craziness of life at the same time was just a little more than I could bear.
But there are always lessons to be learned wherever we are.
Something I have learned about myself this past year is that I often try to make others happy. If I feel someone is upset with me, I'll try to change the way I act around them to smooth things over. When I am overwhelmed, I try even harder to push past those feelings of exhaustion to put on a strong face. The truth is though, I am really lousy at being strong. But that's a good thing. If not for these trials, I would not have noticed that I rely on myself too much. It may seem like a good thing, but I can be too loyal at times. Without both sides of a story, I have unfortunately allowed myself to judge others prematurely, and unfairly. I have had to learn to stand up for myself, my family, and my friends. I've learned that even if one person feels the need to tear others down and be a negative influence, that does not require me to fall into that trap as well.
I am not to blame for the faults of others. I have my own long list of failures and flaws, of which only I am responsible. I've learned that friendship is not to be given lightly. I've learned that trust is not something to blindly hand over to anyone. I have learned that guarding your heart goes far beyond romantic relationships, but also relationships with anyone you ever encounter. Encouragement, kindness, respect, loyalty, and honesty are absolutely vital to any friendship. Without them, even the most easy-going and humorous companion can be a bad influence. Allowing yourself to be abused in any respect because you believe that the bully will eventually give up is wrong. I don't care who it is, if I witness one of my friends being put-down, or hear of anyone falsely accusing somebody I love, I will be angry. Nobody has the right to be a destructive force in the lives of others, especially in a community where we should be building each other up and helping one another with our walks in Christ.
So, that may seem irrelevant and pointless, and for most of you it probably is. But to my dear, dear friends who have stood next to me the past few months... I love you all. Your faithfulness and encouragement at my low points were such precious blessings to me. Allowing me to cry, reminding me how my current struggles are allowing me to grow closer to the Lord, and just holding me when I physically needed support I felt so weak, I cannot thank you enough. God has been so good to me, that even through the madness He has provided examples of His great love and compassion in every one of you. I can only hope and pray that someday I can somehow love you all as much as you've loved me.
AND to all my PHC people, I'm going to miss you like crazy. Even though I'm still going to be around co-directing the play this fall (can't get rid of me that easily :P ) I recognize that things aren't going to be the same. I loved seeing you guys in classes and in the hallways, and just catching up on what amazing things God was doing in your life. I loved sitting in the dining hall with you and just having the best conversations. I will miss being constantly reminded that there is something far greater waiting for us after this world. But this is just a new chapter, and a new chance to invest in each other differently. Whenever I think of you, I will be praying that your own unique struggles and hard times will grow you that much closer to God.
If any of you ever need anything please contact me. I hope to have the opportunity to see you often, but in case I don't, just know that there are few people who could love you all as much as I do.
And I honestly do not say that lightly. <3
Although I feel really sad about not being back at school this fall, I'm starting to see a whole lot of good in it. I love the people and my friends there dearly, but certain aspects of this past year stressed me out to a point where I couldn't focus properly anymore. I know that if some circumstances had been different the whole year wouldn't have been so daunting, but my emotional stamina had been run down and many things suffered as a consequence. The knowledge of the financial strain put me ill at ease, and trying to tread the craziness of life at the same time was just a little more than I could bear.
But there are always lessons to be learned wherever we are.
Something I have learned about myself this past year is that I often try to make others happy. If I feel someone is upset with me, I'll try to change the way I act around them to smooth things over. When I am overwhelmed, I try even harder to push past those feelings of exhaustion to put on a strong face. The truth is though, I am really lousy at being strong. But that's a good thing. If not for these trials, I would not have noticed that I rely on myself too much. It may seem like a good thing, but I can be too loyal at times. Without both sides of a story, I have unfortunately allowed myself to judge others prematurely, and unfairly. I have had to learn to stand up for myself, my family, and my friends. I've learned that even if one person feels the need to tear others down and be a negative influence, that does not require me to fall into that trap as well.
I am not to blame for the faults of others. I have my own long list of failures and flaws, of which only I am responsible. I've learned that friendship is not to be given lightly. I've learned that trust is not something to blindly hand over to anyone. I have learned that guarding your heart goes far beyond romantic relationships, but also relationships with anyone you ever encounter. Encouragement, kindness, respect, loyalty, and honesty are absolutely vital to any friendship. Without them, even the most easy-going and humorous companion can be a bad influence. Allowing yourself to be abused in any respect because you believe that the bully will eventually give up is wrong. I don't care who it is, if I witness one of my friends being put-down, or hear of anyone falsely accusing somebody I love, I will be angry. Nobody has the right to be a destructive force in the lives of others, especially in a community where we should be building each other up and helping one another with our walks in Christ.
So, that may seem irrelevant and pointless, and for most of you it probably is. But to my dear, dear friends who have stood next to me the past few months... I love you all. Your faithfulness and encouragement at my low points were such precious blessings to me. Allowing me to cry, reminding me how my current struggles are allowing me to grow closer to the Lord, and just holding me when I physically needed support I felt so weak, I cannot thank you enough. God has been so good to me, that even through the madness He has provided examples of His great love and compassion in every one of you. I can only hope and pray that someday I can somehow love you all as much as you've loved me.
AND to all my PHC people, I'm going to miss you like crazy. Even though I'm still going to be around co-directing the play this fall (can't get rid of me that easily :P ) I recognize that things aren't going to be the same. I loved seeing you guys in classes and in the hallways, and just catching up on what amazing things God was doing in your life. I loved sitting in the dining hall with you and just having the best conversations. I will miss being constantly reminded that there is something far greater waiting for us after this world. But this is just a new chapter, and a new chance to invest in each other differently. Whenever I think of you, I will be praying that your own unique struggles and hard times will grow you that much closer to God.
If any of you ever need anything please contact me. I hope to have the opportunity to see you often, but in case I don't, just know that there are few people who could love you all as much as I do.
And I honestly do not say that lightly. <3
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