I dreamed of the layout of my future house. I knew where the kitchen would go, that I wanted red walls, and what wood the cabinets would be made of. In my living room, I wanted big comfy couches angled towards the huge fireplace, and I wanted there to be fresh flowers on the coffee table. I wanted a staircase with a banister you could slide down. And right inside the front door to the right, I wanted a wooden table where the mail would go, and on the wall above it a framed family photograph in black and white.
I dreamed about being an architect, or an actress. At times I wanted to be a spy, or a detective, or pretty much any job that gave me a valid excuse to wear a lot of black and walk around stealthily and possibly own a gun.
I dreamed of having a dog, three cats, and birds. I dreamed about riding horses on emerald green hills as the sun set in a brilliant orange-pink sky. I dreamed that I would suddenly have a knack for gardening, and other domestic things like putting together lunch-boxes.
I dreamed about having kids. No more than six, but no less than two. Preferably the boy to girl ratio would be 50/50, but even at a young age I knew that was beyond my control. I was rather realistic for being so imaginative.
I dreamed about the boy. The man who on some special magical day would suddenly appear in my life like those guys in movies always do, and I would just know. Along with the guy would eventually come the wedding almost every girl I've ever talked to has had planned in her head at some point in her life. Sparkly things, candles, flowers, and other lovelies that only mattered because you were celebrating marrying the love of your life, and BAM, happily ever after!
But, dreams don't resemble real life all that much.
Dreams are warm and fuzzy and have a pretty glowing haze around them to help us separate them from reality. Dreams are lofty and full of hope and ideals and happy endings. Dreams make us feel like children, and prompt us to dream something bigger. Real-life has harsh edges, and blinding truth we can't avoid. Reality can be cold, and sometimes it really sucks. So, instead of living in the world of sadness and unhappy endings, we dream a little more, and dream more outrageously. Because according to the movies, music, and books, you have to have big dreams to be happy in life. And a happy life is what we all want to have, right?
Well. I have dreamed many big dreams. I have dreamed of the future, and of what could be. Sometimes I dream to distract myself from life, or to console myself when I'm stressed.
Many nights, I daydream myself to sleep. I think about what could have happened throughout the day, and what may happen tomorrow. I make-believe different scenarios in my head, and try to guess how they would play out depending on what I chose to do. I play pretend every day in one way or another. Not quite like I did as a little girl, and certainly not with Barbie dolls and dollhouse furniture anymore, but I do.
Now, I'm not saying all dreaming is harmless. When you dream so much you leave behind the real world, there is a problem there. If you focus so much on the ideal, the real may pass you by. I try not to forget to stay involved in the life I currently have. I have to remind myself to stay grounded in reality as my head floats away among the clouds. Sometimes I don't recognize the glimmers of my dreams coming true in real life because I am too distracted. I get distracted from real life, and think of all the other wonderful possibilities. Then suddenly I am realizing how many beautiful and wonderful opportunities I already have around me, and that I wouldn't miss them for the world.
But, I dream because it keeps me hopeful. I dream because it allows me to be that little girl again, who wasn't aware of the harsh reality of paying bills, and going to work, of heartbreak, insecurity, and disappointment. I dream because it challenges me to be better. Because with big dreams and high expectations and hopeful ideals come the responsibility to act in such a way that those dreams may come true.
As it was once upon a time sung, "They may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."
Someday, I will have that big house with the red kitchen. Someday, I will be sitting on the couch with my husband reading stories to our kids, making s'mores in the fireplace, and encouraging them to dream bigger dreams.
One day, I will wake up and my dreams will have come true. Maybe not all of them, and maybe not exactly as I have imagined, but the realization of those dreams will be so much better than any of the dreams themselves were. I believe that dreams can become reality when you're patient enough to let them take their time.
And I may be wrong, but I think dreams are great; but a well-lived reality is better.
