You say goodbye, and I say hello

One word.

How many things in our life do we describe with just a single word. Not a phrase, or a sentence, or even a full-fledged paragraph. A word. Just one.

This year was many different things. 2012 felt like a roller-coaster most of the time. Sheer panic and fear, but also extreme joy and peace. Confusion and hurt, excitement and love. So many different emotions characterize these past 12 months for me. I've tried, but I can't boil it all down into a single word.

But I am blessed and thankful for each twist and turn that brought me here. I don't know what 2013 holds, but I do know that it will have its own set of challenges and triumphs. It may bring me back to New York for a time, or maybe I'll stay in Virginia for a while. I could even be in another country for a while. Who knows. But it is another year to work harder, try new things, and aim higher. It holds 12 months of life experiences I cannot even anticipate. I'm nervous, but way more excited.

There are a lot of lessons in life. We just need to pay attention. I hope I take more chances than I let opportunities pass me by. I hope I love more than I thought I was capable of. I hope I get inspired. I hope to be a better person. I don't make resolutions, but I do hope I can make changes. I hope I go the extra mile to care about people. I hope I have more patience, and am more gracious. I hope I judge less, and pray more. I hope I give more of myself, and expect less in return. I want to appreciate every day, not taking the minutes and the moments with the people I care about for granted.

Tomorrow is never guaranteed and the future is so uncertain. If there's anything I've learned in 2012 that I hope to carry over to 2013 with me, is that people are so precious, and time with loved ones should be treasured.

To sum up 2012 in one word... Promise.

Nothing is set in stone.

But I especially hope that in 2013, my promises become immovable. To be strong enough to speak up when necessary, and to be silent when it's appropriate.

Love life.
Live fully.
Embrace every day.
Never settle for less than your best.

Let's Play Pretend

Like most little girls, I played a lot of make-believe growing up. I played dress-up, and wore gargantuan dresses and tutus, and danced around because for those moments I was a ballerina, or an ice skater, or anything else that struck my fancy for that day. But I played pretend for other things too.

I dreamed of the layout of my future house. I knew where the kitchen would go, that I wanted red walls, and what wood the cabinets would be made of. In my living room, I wanted big comfy couches angled towards the huge fireplace, and I wanted there to be fresh flowers on the coffee table. I wanted a staircase with a banister you could slide down. And right inside the front door to the right, I wanted a wooden table where the mail would go, and on the wall above it a framed family photograph in black and white.

I dreamed about being an architect, or an actress. At times I wanted to be a spy, or a detective, or pretty much any job that gave me a valid excuse to wear a lot of black and walk around stealthily and possibly own a gun. 

I dreamed of having a dog, three cats, and birds. I dreamed about riding horses on emerald green hills as the sun set in a brilliant orange-pink sky. I dreamed that I would suddenly have a knack for gardening, and other domestic things like putting together lunch-boxes.

I dreamed about having kids. No more than six, but no less than two. Preferably the boy to girl ratio would be 50/50, but even at a young age I knew that was beyond my control. I was rather realistic for being so imaginative.

I dreamed about the boy. The man who on some special magical day would suddenly appear in my life like those guys in movies always do, and I would just know. Along with the guy would eventually come the wedding almost every girl I've ever talked to has had planned in her head at some point in her life. Sparkly things, candles, flowers, and other lovelies that only mattered because you were celebrating marrying the love of your life, and BAM, happily ever after!

But, dreams don't resemble real life all that much.

Dreams are warm and fuzzy and have a pretty glowing haze around them to help us separate them from reality. Dreams are lofty and full of hope and ideals and happy endings. Dreams make us feel like children, and prompt us to dream something bigger. Real-life has harsh edges, and blinding truth we can't avoid. Reality can be cold, and sometimes it really sucks. So, instead of living in the world of sadness and unhappy endings, we dream a little more, and dream more outrageously. Because according to the movies, music, and books, you have to have big dreams to be happy in life. And a happy life is what we all want to have, right?

Well. I have dreamed many big dreams. I have dreamed of the future, and of what could be. Sometimes I dream to distract myself from life, or to console myself when I'm stressed. 

Many nights, I daydream myself to sleep. I think about what could have happened throughout the day, and what may happen tomorrow. I make-believe different scenarios in my head, and try to guess how they would play out depending on what I chose to do. I play pretend every day in one way or another. Not quite like I did as a little girl, and certainly not with Barbie dolls and dollhouse furniture anymore, but I do.

Now, I'm not saying all dreaming is harmless. When you dream so much you leave behind the real world, there is a problem there. If you focus so much on the ideal, the real may pass you by. I try not to forget to stay involved in the life I currently have. I have to remind myself to stay grounded in reality as my head floats away among the clouds. Sometimes I don't recognize the glimmers of my dreams coming true in real life because I am too distracted. I get distracted from real life, and think of all the other wonderful possibilities. Then suddenly I am realizing how many beautiful and wonderful opportunities I already have around me, and that I wouldn't miss them for the world.

But, I dream because it keeps me hopeful. I dream because it allows me to be that little girl again, who wasn't aware of the harsh reality of paying bills, and going to work, of heartbreak, insecurity, and disappointment. I dream because it challenges me to be better. Because with big dreams and high expectations and hopeful ideals come the responsibility to act in such a way that those dreams may come true.

As it was once upon a time sung, "They may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."

Someday, I will have that big house with the red kitchen. Someday, I will be sitting on the couch with my husband reading stories to our kids, making s'mores in the fireplace, and encouraging them to dream bigger dreams.

One day, I will wake up and my dreams will have come true. Maybe not all of them, and maybe not exactly as I have imagined, but the realization of those dreams will be so much better than any of the dreams themselves were. I believe that dreams can become reality when you're patient enough to let them take their time.

And I may be wrong, but I think dreams are great; but a well-lived reality is better.

Exodus

I was reading the Ten Commandments over the past couple days, and I had to pause at Exodus 20:16, "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor." 

When we think about the Ten Commandments, the laws we can immediately remember are usually the laws about stealing, not taking the Lord's name in vain, murder, and adultery. But this law isn't one that usually gets much screen time from what I can remember growing up. Why is that? Is it because the rest of the laws seem pretty obvious and easy to obey? Stealing and murder seem like a way bigger deal than giving false testimony, right? But what does this commandment even mean?

From what I can understand it is not necessarily referring to being called up to a witness stand and swearing to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. But isn't it? Every day we are given the choice to tell the truth. And as Christians, it shouldn't be something we feel is an option. I understand that it can be really difficult to love your neighbor. Especially when you believe they have wronged you. But this verse in another translation reads, "you shall not bear false witness against your neighbor." That means no lying. No slandering. No destruction. It means no whispering. It means no talking behind their back. It means no words should escape your lips which are designed to deceive someone about your neighbor. The whole chapter of Ephesians 4 speaks of how we are to "put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor," and also to "speak the truth in love." 

I guess it hit me because of the current society we live in, and how it seems everywhere you turn someone is gossiping and saying hurtful things. I think we know it is much harder to be kind. It is so much harder to tell the truth in love. It is way more difficult to keep from spreading lies when you are upset at how you feel you have been treated. But we have to treat people well. We have to be kind, and be gracious, and be honest. Anything less than that is wrong. Anything less than how Jesus would have treated those He met along the road is wrong.

I am by no means innocent of this. But I have also been a victim of false testimony, and having somebody bear false witness against me. After having had false things said about me, and becoming aware of words spoken that were not said out of love, or even the smallest grain of truth, I think I know why this commandment was included.

It is so painful to know that somebody does not respect you enough as a fellow Christian to treat you with the kindess and love as Christ has called us to. It is a kind of hurt that settles at the bottom of your heart, in the middle of your stomach, and starts tying up in knots until even the mention of what happened makes it hard to breathe. I have to say, the feeling sucks. It is one of the most painful things you could ever experience to know that somebody who claims to love God could so easily and willingly be unloving towards you.

I will be the first to admit that  I've not always felt like reacting kindly. I've gone from either extreme of just being so confused, to being angry. I've gone from wanting to hide in my room to wanting to march right up to them and give them a piece of my mind. But that's not my job. God will work in His own time. Even if He does it at a pace that seems way too slow, it's up to Him to chase down His children and teach them what they need to learn. And if there is nothing I can do but let go and let God have the wheel, then by all means, I think it's my time to make my exit. Prayer is the only weapon I have the strength left to arm myself with, so I better get to work with it.

But what do you do in the meantime? Do you allow yourself to be continuously knocked down and trampled on and belittled simply because God hasn't gotten a hold of them yet? I don't think so. I don't think it's a good thing to allow yourself to remain in a dangerous and unhealthy friendship/relationship/acquaintanceship if they will only continue to hurt you.

Sometimes all you can do is say enough, turn around, and walk away from that negative person in your life. Sometimes, being patient and simply hoping that things will get better won't fix what's wrong. Every now and then you have to admit that you are worth more than how that person makes you feel, and get out and get as far away from them as fast as possible. It doesn't matter what people will say, and it doesn't matter what people think. If the truth is that you have been hurt by somebody, by what they say about you or how they have treated you, you have EVERY right to leave. If somebody claims to be your friend, but then lies about you, complains about you, and refuses to even come and talk to you personally about what they have a problem with, they are not a true friend. Real friends are going to have your back and speak up against those who try to speak false testimony about you.

If you have reached the point where you've had enough, you've put up with too much. If I've learned anything this summer, it's that I am worth more than how others will make me feel.

If any of this sounds like it could apply to you and whatever your situation is,  I just ask that you realize your worth before it's too late. Walk away from whoever it is that is trying to bring you down, and get behind Jesus. As long as you are honestly trying to serve Him and do what is right, that's the best you can do for them. Prayer is a big deal, don't sell it short.

So, there goes another kind of discombobulated and incoherent pile of random thoughts that at the moment seem like they all string together, but upon some sleep and a re-read will show that I began going off about sonic screwdrivers and pie. But in all honesty, I really hope if any of you has dealt with anything like this that you do not feel like you're alone. It is basically bullying, and it is not okay. Talk to somebody, and start getting away from whoever it is that is bringing you down. You're better than that. :)

Parting is a bittersweet sorrow

This fall I was expecting to return to PHC. However, it has been a consistent pattern in my life the past several years that God is constantly growing me through unexpected changes. The increase in the cost of tuition combined with the changes to the financial aid package have made returning to school really unlikely. Although I'm on a leave of absence for now, I am not anticipating the financial situation to change by next year. So, I guess in a way this is goodbye.

I took it really hard at first. Those who have heard my story know just how very precious PHC is to me. I've grown more in my time there than I could even begin to explain. I've made amazing new friends, and grown closer to several old ones. If not for a few very special people I met there a few summers ago, I am sure my life would look very different right now.

Although I feel really sad about not being back at school this fall, I'm starting to see a whole lot of good in it. I love the people and my friends there dearly, but certain aspects of this past year stressed me out to a point where I couldn't focus properly anymore. I know that if some circumstances had been different the whole year wouldn't have been so daunting, but my emotional stamina had been run down and many things suffered as a consequence. The knowledge of the financial strain put me ill at ease, and trying to tread the craziness of life at the same time was just a little more than I could bear.

But there are always lessons to be learned wherever we are.

Something I have learned about myself this past year is that I often try to make others happy. If I feel someone is upset with me, I'll try to change the way I act around them to smooth things over. When I am overwhelmed, I try even harder to push past those feelings of exhaustion to put on a strong face. The truth is though, I am really lousy at being strong. But that's a good thing. If not for these trials, I would not have noticed that I rely on myself too much. It may seem like a good thing, but I can be too loyal at times. Without both sides of a story, I have unfortunately allowed myself to judge others prematurely, and unfairly. I have had to learn to stand up for myself, my family, and my friends. I've learned that even if one person feels the need to tear others down and be a negative influence, that does not require me to fall into that trap as well.


I am not to blame for the faults of others. I have my own long list of failures and flaws, of which only I am responsible. I've learned that friendship is not to be given lightly. I've learned that trust is not something to blindly hand over to anyone. I have learned that guarding your heart goes far beyond romantic relationships, but also relationships with anyone you ever encounter. Encouragement, kindness, respect, loyalty, and honesty are absolutely vital to any friendship. Without them, even the most easy-going and humorous companion can be a bad influence. Allowing yourself to be abused in any respect because you believe that the bully will eventually give up is wrong. I don't care who it is, if I witness one of my friends being put-down, or hear of anyone falsely accusing somebody I love, I will be angry. Nobody has the right to be a destructive force in the lives of others, especially in a community where we should be building each other up and helping one another with our walks in Christ.

So, that may seem irrelevant and pointless, and for most of you it probably is. But to my dear, dear friends who have stood next to me the past few months... I love you all. Your faithfulness and encouragement at my low points were such precious blessings to me. Allowing me to cry, reminding me how my current struggles are allowing me to grow closer to the Lord, and just holding me when I physically needed support I felt so weak, I cannot thank you enough. God has been so good to me, that even through the madness He has provided examples of His great love and compassion in every one of you. I can only hope and pray that someday I can somehow love you all as much as you've loved me.

AND to all my PHC people, I'm going to miss you like crazy. Even though I'm still going to be around co-directing the play this fall (can't get rid of me that easily :P ) I recognize that things aren't going to be the same. I loved seeing you guys in classes and in the hallways, and just catching up on what amazing things God was doing in your life. I loved sitting in the dining hall with you and just having the best conversations. I will miss being constantly reminded that there is something far greater waiting for us after this world. But this is just a new chapter, and a new chance to invest in each other differently. Whenever I think of you, I will be praying that your own unique struggles and hard times will grow you that much closer to God.

If any of you ever need anything please contact me. I hope to have the opportunity to see you often, but in case I don't, just know that there are few people who could love you all as much as I do.

And I honestly do not say that lightly. <3

Chemistry?

You have probably seen a lot of movies.

Boy meets girl and they share one of those cute little moments and laugh about it because it's normal for complete strangers to immediately fall in love and have no reservations towards this potential serial killer. And then they go through some sickly sweet and cutesy montage, usually including a picnic or some romantic walk on the beach at sunset. And then comes the heart-wrenching miscommunication. The terrible oh-so-awful bad fight, and the inevitable break-up. It's probably raining. And if the director really wanted to pull some heart-strings, the guy is crying too.

Time goes by, yada-yada-yada, and then some random day months later he sees a reflection of some stranger in the storefront window that vaguely resembles his now ex-girlfriend and it jolts him into action. Cue the race to the airport to stop her before she leaves for the moon for a billion years. At this point he buys an overpriced ticket with the oodles of money in his oversized checking account waiting to be spent and meets her on the plane. OR he's told the flight has just taken off, sadly turns around with rejection painted on his face, when he looks up and spots his lover quizzically eyeing him because she too had a moment of pause and decided to stay behind on a whim.

A slow motion intense staring contest, rushed apologies and explanations, and then finally they just decide there will never be anybody else that compares and WHAM! Makeout session. In public. It's kind of uncomfortable to watch. They come back up for air, smile, and then the epilogue scene shows them doing whatever it is that made them fall in love at the beginning of the film again with sappy music to close it out.

Once upon a time ends in yet another cliched happily ever after. If you're anything close to a normal human being you know love doesn't quite work out like that. Real life looks way more like the conflict montage in a wash-rinse-repeat cycle that doesn't end in a "I choose you, this is it, nothing else matters no matter what" speech and dramatic musical number complete with fireworks and High School Musical choreography.

I swear I'm not as cynical as it sounds right now. I like those movies, I just don't like how it makes normal people feel about real life.

I watch people. Not in the creepy sense... I don't follow them around or anything, but I pay attention to habits. I see who consistently sits next to each other, and which people seem to linger a little past the point of a casual hello... I see friendships grow into the relationship that everybody but the couple seemed to see coming. I know how to spot a crush a mile away. But for me? Well... I'm about as hopeless as it can get.

Not that I'm incapable of talking to boys, or having a relationship, because I can and I have. But I'm just clueless when it comes to how the whole process starts. What the heck is it that causes a person to desire an exclusive relationship with somebody else? Chemical attraction, mutual interests, destiny, long-term friendships...

I've seen so many different starts to dozens of relationships, and have still not been able to see a common trend in any of them. There is no consistent rhyme or reason and it confuses me. It seems like so much of who we wind up being interested in is dependent on a whole slew of unpredictable and unplanned events and circumstances that place us in a certain place at a certain time with a certain group of people around a certain person who we feel that certain twinge of "oooh" towards.

I guess that's how movies happen. But how about the relationships that come out of nowhere? The ones where you've never had any interest and then one day you have a moment where you realize you want them around. You want to spend time with them for many more reasons than your other friends.
Or what about the beginnings that you didn't even notice? You just casually grow into such a close friendship that being closer with anybody else makes no sense whatsoever.

There are so many stories. There are so many beginnings. There are even more endings. But every start and conclusion happens for a reason. Some of those reasons I've learned. Some I'm still learning, and some I may never learn. But I'm grateful. I love being able to observe the plot of a story as it unfolds. I learn from observation almost as much as I do from experience. I really don't have any answers to any of the questions I've asked. But I don't really think I'm supposed to have any answers. Where would I find adventure if I knew how these things worked?

Life is crazy, full of twists and turns, and sometimes excruciatingly mad. But I'd rather have emotions and feelings to sort through than to feel nothing at all. So whatever it is that initiates the journey for two people to fall in love forever, I'm still waiting.

Nothing Better (oh, oh, oh!)

This week was kind of... miserable.

Trial after hardship after painful occurrence piled one on top of the other.

And then Friday showed up. I don't know if I've ever felt so emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausted.

I went to my morning classes and felt mostly okay. But then as the clock was ticking closer to 10:10, I had an unsettled feeling in my stomach and a lump in my throat.

After being dismissed from Journalism, I went to my room, closed the door, held my pillow, and started to cry.

Everything that had been going on all seemed to have collided, exploded, and collapsed in front of me at the same time.

I cried long enough to make it painful to breathe. I cried until my eyes were so sore it hurt to blink. I cried and felt like I was physically going to fall to pieces.

I cried because I am helpless. In all areas of my life, I am not in control. The problem is that I don't often believe that and try to manage everything on my own anyway.

One of my suite-mates came by and talked with me, and like the angel she is offered to get me coffee. I'm not huge on people going out of their way for me, but her willingness to be a friend was like somebody had opened the window a crack to let some fresh air in.

My brother called, recognized that I sounded like a frog, and said that he'd be by in ten minutes to pick me up. I spent time with my brothers, albeit mostly silently, and just sat and thought about things. Tearing up every so often when something would trigger my tear ducts into action.

After a long day of feeling so low, I went to bed and eventually fell asleep. All I could do was lay there desperately hoping that in the morning I would feel better.

I wasn't going to let Saturday, which was going to be awesome, be ruined because the day before was a pretty awful 24 hours.

I woke up still feeling pretty awful. But I had lunch with a few wonderful friends, and spent time getting ready for the Sadie Hawkins dance with my best girlfriends singing country songs, and rapping Super Bass like a boss.

I think God knew I would need to have a great night, and blessed me with an amazing group of people to spend time with laughing, dancing, and teasing. Back when I asked my date to the dance, I knew we'd have fun, but had no clue just how much fun we would have. It wound up being one of the best nights of my time at school so far. I really appreciate people who can be silly and let me be silly right back.

Inside jokes were created and hilarity ensued. I needed every single laugh that escaped by lips.

With every funny moment I could feel the broken pieces of my spirit slowly starting to mend back together. I felt like even though there will still be a lot to deal with and a lot of emotions to sort through, I will still be able to laugh and have fun.

So, at the moment, I still hurt. Things are still kind of fuzzy and I'm still really unsure how everything will play out. I have a dull ache in my chest, and if I think about certain things too much, I start crying again.

But laughter is good. It's the best medicine, actually. And my friends mean the world to me.

Knowing that things will get better eventually is a relief.

In fact, there's nothing better.

Count It All Joy

This post serves very little purpose other than to clear out some thoughts waddling through my mind like penguins.

My brain is on massive overload lately.

With all the reading to catch up on and the writing to crank out I am, admittedly, under a lot of stress.

I am impatient.
I want the things I want, and I want them quickly.
I have such little patience to let life play out and let God work His perfect will.
I am scared of time.
I am afraid I will miss out on something wonderful because I am too hasty or too timid.
I am such a mix of conflicting feelings that if somebody shook my thoughts and emotions out into a glass it would be a baffling cocktail.
I feel deeply.
If I care about something, I have a hard time going without it for even a day.
If I don't like something, very little could bring me to changing my mind.
I have a temper and I have anxiety.
I get angry when things don't go my way, and I am a nervous and clumsy wreck when they do.

I have no sense of stability when I stand on my own two feet.
I have no strength to keep my head up after a long night of wrestling with God and life's circumstances.
I have no idea how to be gracious and understanding when my own personal matters feel so insurmountably large and looming.

I know what it is that I want.
I know where it is I want to go.
I know who I want to be.
I know which things in my life I would die for, and things I feel are not worth the battle.

Yet, life is never actually that simple for me.
What I want is not something I can have.
Where I want to go is not a place I can travel to.
Who I want to be is so not the girl I am.
The things I would die for have already been saved.
The battles not worth fighting have already been fought.

But what I am learning, and what I am sensing, and what I have been told.... is that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
My confusion and uncertainty is where I need to be for God to teach me.
My pain and frustration are necessary for me to see just how desperately I need Him to be the one to rescue me.
My joy and my accomplishments are reminders that I am at this point in my life by the grace of God and Him alone.

I have made so many wrong turns. I have burned many bridges.
I have been redeemed. I have been brought out of the darkness.
I am no longer wandering aimlessly through a barren wilderness.
I am not alone and lonely as I am navigating through the thorny days of trials.
I am blessed with the time I have, no matter how brief it may be.
I am grateful to have been loved and cared for by sweet brothers and sisters in Christ.
I have been shown such mercy that I do not even remotely deserve.

Even though these shadows feel heavy and my footsteps are shaky, I count it all joy.

Taking Changes

I was homesick even before I merged onto I-88 West. 

The first dozen miles witnessed a lot of tears. I was scared and not at all prepared to return to studies and the stress of deadlines and papers and hundreds of pages of reading a week. I was afraid certain aspects of last semester would repeat themselves. I was nervous that the wonderful friendships I had made were going to fade into the background as we all got busy, and I would have to start from scratch all over again.

I felt really alone even though my darling cat sat in her box on the passenger seat beside me, curiously meowing every six seconds.

It was rainy when I arrived back on campus. Unpacking my car took a dozen trips, and the knot in my stomach got larger and tighter with every scan of my ID card. Why was I here? What is the point? Would anybody really even notice if I hadn't come back this semester? It took a few days to be at all happy I was back. The first few days, I walked around like a bit of a ghost... not really sure I was supposed to be there, but not quite sure what else to do with myself. But then classes started, and I got to reconnect with people I hadn't communicated with much over break. Things started to feel normal again despite the fact I could still feel that knot. My stubborn resolve and a few deep breaths later I was getting back into the swing of my life here.

Last semester had a lot of ups and downs. Major disappointments and huge uplifting moments seemed to tag-team making appearances throughout my weeks. 

My faith was stretched and I experienced a few growing pains I didn't even realize I still had to go through.

I had been so excited at the beginning of the Fall semester. Excited for new friendships, new memories, and new challenges. Hopeful that some things in my life would turn out to be a bold and magnificent theme illustrating last semester... only to be disappointed and hurt when it turned out to be just a small, briefly noted paragraph. Looking back now, it's a good thing it happened. If it had been any more painful a drop, I might not have been able to bounce back like I did.

Let downs are a part of life. Missed chances break us down so we can rebuild what was poorly constructed in the first place. The most brilliant blueprint could be scrapped at a moments notice, simply because we overlook a crucial part of the planning process... buying the land.

Looking at my life just since this Spring semester has started, I'm amazed at how many things God has been working on in my life. In His time, so many amazing and beautiful things have been happening. 

Opportunities I never would have expected to be there have been given to me.

New friendships have begun when and where I would have least expected.

I've seen things begin and end in my life, and even though initially I was confused about where to go next, I can see how God was directing my path even though I felt like I was stumbling around through the darkness.

Thankfully, I remember how to study and haven't been procrastinating too terribly. The few things I was afraid of repeating haven't (so far). Friends that were there for me last semester through everything are here for me now just as much and probably more than ever. I'm blessed to have these opportunities. I'm grateful I can realize how good I have it right now, despite the days when I'm afraid one wrong exhale could destroy it all.

I am a flawed and finite human being. 

My insecurities will probably never fully be conquered.

But there is an embrace I can feel straight to my soul... and it doesn't come from arms made of flesh.

The knowledge that God has me in the palm of His hands brings me warmth on really cold and dismal days.

Recalling all the times I have felt refreshed after being emotionally spent reminds me of promises that will never fail. I will never be alone and I will never be given more than I can bear.

I am so many miles from the girl I used to be. I am miles away from the girl I'm supposed to be. But these miles I've been covering are full of lessons and blessings in disguise.

I am blessed to have been where I was. I am blessed to be where I am. But I am far more blessed to constantly be moving away from my past and my present towards an even better future.

Even though I'm apprehensive of taking chances, I'm learning to not be afraid of taking changes as they come.

Some of the scariest changes are now important pages in the scrapbook of my life. And I can't wait to see what is printed on the pages I'm living right now.